5 Surprising Reasons You're in a Season of "Friendlessness"

Oftentimes when there's discourse about women who don't have any friends, the reasons we attribute to that situation are suspicions that these women are "drama" or "weird". And while these may very well be reasons a women finds herself "friendless", we also know women who have these traits and somehow still have a gaggle of friends around them.

So we need to look other reasons why a woman may not have any friends -- reasons that are often overlooked.

1. She doesn't have friends because she's in an all-consuming season.

   
   

   When women become mothers, they sometimes find themselves drowning under the new sea of physical, emotional, biological, and psychological changes. Having small children decreases the time and mental energy she has available for socializing, and depending on her support network, it might feel impossible for her to pull herself out of that vortex.

   
   

   There are also women who enter an all-consuming season in their careers or school life and-- depending on the consistency and intensity of the demands-- they don't form or maintain platonic relationships well during this time.

   
   

   When these women finally emerge from "hibernation", they realize that many of their friendships have dissolved, and find themselves in a position where they've become completely isolated.

   
   

2. She is currently friendless because she moved to a new city.

   
   

   Many of the women we work with are "newbies" in their city. While they may have long-distance friends, they report having not yet formed connections with people who live in close proximity.

   
   

   "How do you make friends in a new city?" many will ask, because they realize that in spite of the relationships they have with old friends, they need the daily companionship of close others. The long-distance friendships that they have offer feelings of familiarity and comfort, but they don't meet the need of having people nearby to share experiences with in real time.

   
   

   These women are in a season of "friendlessness".

   
   

   

   
   
   
   

3. She's a "high achiever" with professional connections, but no real friends.

   
   

   For women who are career-obsessed and live with much of their identity resting in their professional achievements, it might be difficult for them to form new friendships. This is because these women often spend many hours working, and when they do have the opportunity to socialize, they are showing up in the role of "coach" or "entrepreneur" or "executive". They are always "on."

   
   

   Many of them have have formed "network buddies", but because of their tendency to lead with this aspect of their identities, they rarely form friendships based around who they are more holistically as a person. These women often have no shortage of connections on Instagram or in their phone contacts, but don't have anyone they can actually call to say, "I need help."

   
   

   In our experience, these "high achievers" don't realize their issue until they need personal support, want to be vulnerable, or are looking to do activities recreationally.

   
   

4. She has a romantic partner who's monopolized her time, and her friendships suffered because of it.

   
   

   Some women get involved with romantic partners who take up all of their free time. Perhaps these partners are controlling and dictate who they hang out with or when they can socialize. Maybe their partner makes them feel guilty for connecting with friends because they themselves don't have a social circle.

   
   

   And sometimes it's less sinister: it could simply be a matter of becoming so absorbed by a romantic relationship that they haven't devoted any effort or attention to maintaining their female friendships.

   
   

   Once the relationship ends, these women might realize how many of their friendships dissolved while they were away.

   
   

5. She needs new friends because she's in a new life season.

   
   

   If a woman is experiencing an "awakening", it might require her to leave the friendships she formed when she was living the lifestyle she no longer wants to maintain.

   
   

   Perhaps she's adopted new interests. Maybe her worldviews have evolved. Maybe her personal tastes have changed.

   
   

   If she formed friendships with people because of shared circumstances, and then those circumstances change, she might find herself in a position to invite new people into her life whose companionship feels more aligned with the new version of herself.

   
   

   

   
   

There is research that suggests we replace half of our friends every seven years, so there will be many times throughout your life when you might find yourself in need of new connections. This is to be expected as your location, beliefs, and circumstances change.

The key is to learn how to actually form new friendships, and then work to maintain a kind of balance in your life that allows you to continue to nurture them over time.

If you're looking for ways to form new friendships, be sure to look out for our new accelerator course (December 2024) which will equip you with knowledge and strategies to position yourself for fresh connections in the new year.

You can also book a personal friendship coaching session with our founder and friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson.