Why making friends in your 30s feels impossible (and what to do about it)
- giarmove
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
If you’ve ever found yourself Googling “how to make friends as an adult,” you’re far from alone. In the latest episode of the Friend Forward podcast, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson dives deep into this search—revealing that making new friends in your 30s is not just a trending topic, but a real struggle for many women.
Whether you’re a self-proclaimed extrovert, a recent transplant to a new city, or simply craving meaningful connection, this episode is a must-listen.
The psychology of why making friends in your 30s feels so hard
Social networks are shrinking
According to the research, our social networks expand up until around age 26, and then they start to shrink. If you’ve noticed your circle getting smaller, don’t panic. It is completely normal. Life changes like remote work, family responsibilities, and shifting values all impact how, and if, you connect with others.
You're in the "friendship dip"
Plus, according to the American Time Use Survey of 2021, people ages 35–44 have the least amount of leisure time compared to other generations. So if you’re feeling pressed for time or emotionally exhausted, you’re not doing anything wrong.
You're having a "midlife reckoning"
Forget about midlife starting at 40. Emerging research now places midlife as early as 35. If you’re questioning your purpose or feel restless despite outward success, you might be experiencing a “midlife reckoning.” But this shift can bring clarity, confidence, and new priorities into your friend-making journey, so embrace it.
How to make friends in your thirties
1. Use connection apps. It’s not desperate—it’s resourceful. Get off the app and into real life quickly, and focus your profiles on positive likes and memorable details.
2.Prioritize recurring events over one-off events. Familiarity breeds friendship. Prioritize regular meetups, and opt for those in close proximity to make attendance easier.
3. Ask a "super connector" for intel. Don’t be afraid to reach out to that friend who “knows everyone.” Let them know you’re looking to plug in, and you might get a vetted list of opportunities (or a plus-one invite!).
A final encouragement
Wherever you’re starting from, embrace the opportunity to strategize for your current life stage, and focus on deepening the quality of your existing friendships while welcoming new ones. You’re not behind—you’re right where you need to be.
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