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"I got pregnant... and she ghosted." [Real Friendship Stories]


The following post was submitted by one of our readers, Clarissa Briones from Las Cruces, NM. If you would like to submit your own friendship story, please send us an email at hello@betterfemalefriendships.com.

 

Have you ever had the type of friendship where you just get each other? You can go days, weeks, even months without seeing them, and instantly pick back up where you left off without missing a beat. This is the kind of relationship me and my best friend had.


We’d been friends since middle school and our connection was strong from the start, Inevitably, most childhood friendships fade, but not ours though. We stayed close through marriages, moves, job changes, and everything in between. Even though we lived far away, didn’t text daily, or see each other often, we were still really close. There was an unspoken bond between us, where we knew we’d be there for one another no matter what.


That’s why she was the very first person I told when we started trying for a baby.


I vividly remember having a sheepishly excited smile, as I shared the news for the first time. She squealed back in excitement too, with wide eyes and a huge smile spread across her face. She was genuinely happy for me and it felt so special to share this precious secret with my best friend.


Photo Credit: hautestock.co

But more than a year later, I still wasn’t pregnant.


I began struggling both mentally and emotionally. I didn’t share any of this with her, or anyone else for that matter. Partly because of how ashamed I felt and I didn’t really know how to express the hopelessness and deep sadness I’d been feeling.


When we got together to catch up, l finally mustered up the courage to tell her how hard our fertility journey had been on me. As the tears flowed down my cheeks, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.


Little did I know, this was the last time I would see her in person.


We texted a few times after that, but over time it started to feel different. She’d respond days later and the conversation began to feel one-sided. I’d think, “She must just be busy.” When I saw she was in town, but didn’t reach out, I shrugged it off and figured “Maybe it was just a quick trip.”


After finally getting pregnant for the first time, I couldn’t wait to tell her in person! Our babymoon trip was near where she lived, so I thought it’d be the perfect chance to see her in person and share the news along with my growing bump. I eagerly texted her, but turns out she was sick and wouldn’t be able to get together. I looked down at the message feeling so bummed, but I thought “It’s ok, these things happen…right?” I was still excited to tell her, so I started thinking of other creative ways since I didn’t get the chance in person.


After our trip, I learned that she’d just been in town again and didn’t reach out. My heart instantly felt heavy and sank deeper into my chest. It felt like time slowed down and my mind was racing with thoughts about what this could mean. Especially since I’d just tried to get together with her the weekend before. Something was off, but I was still in denial. I tried to brush it off, thinking “she must’ve just been busy…again.”


By this point I was starting to show and I knew I had to tell her already. I text her the good news and let her know about the shower that my in-laws were hosting in a few weeks. She congratulated me and let me know that she couldn’t attend, but would be celebrating from afar. Sadness washed over me like a wave and I felt crushed by the weight of it. As I held back tears, it felt so surreal because I’d always envisioned planning my baby shower with her and now she wouldn’t even be attending. It was heartbreaking to think that she went from being the first person I told to the very last person.


I made one last attempt to reconnect hoping to restore the friendship, but never heard back. It’s been hard to accept the reality that our friendship is over, because I truly don’t understand why. Should I have been more open about my fertility challenges? Did I let my emotions and grief selfishly get in the way?


After a 3 year fertility journey, the day I gave birth to my daughter was the happiest day of my life…I just wish I could’ve shared that with my best friend.


 

Learn more about Clarissa and her story by following along on Instagram at @blossomingfertility or by visiting www.blossomingfertility.com


In the meantime, here are a few Friend Forward podcast episodes to help you navigate the complexities of friendship during seasons of childlessness, pregnancy, and loss:












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