5 phrases that prove you're not ready for community... yet

You may have noticed that "community" has emerged as quite the buzzword these days. But what does it really mean?

We've written articles to help you identify authentic community, but the next step is making sure you're ready to truly be a willing and productive member of a genuine community.

Here we share a list of five phrases that expose a lack of readiness.

"As long as I'm safe, I'm good."

There are several recent examples of things that begin to happen that might not immediately or directly impact you. Consider the fires in Los Angeles of the hurricanes in Florida. As you're watching the news to see which areas are being hit, ask yourself if your default response is to determine whether you're in the danger path... and once you find that you aren't, to turn your brain off to the issue entirely.

Another example is the ICE raids and mass deportations happening across the United States under the new administration. Is your initial thought to disassociate because no one in your home will be directly impacted?

When things begin to happen to others in your community, begin to brainstorm ways you can help. You can also hold onto the universal truths like, "What happens to one of us happens to all of us." This will train your brain to see yourself as a member of a larger group instead of a woman by on an island.

[If you're looking for more context on this point, we strongly encourage you to view or listen to the latest episode of the Friend Forward podcast.]

"Somebody should really do something about that."

Whether it's passing trash on the street and thinking, "Somebody needs to pick up around here" or thinking, "Someone should do something about XYZ," instead consider that you are somebody. [Have a young girl in your life who you want to teach this concept to early? Read "I am Somebody by Nyasha Williams.]

No, it's not fair that someone else left their trash on the ground for others to clean, but it is a part of your shared space, and you do have the power to make that change. This can help you develop your sense of shared ownership, which is a critical mindset for those who want true community.

"If I don't show up, it won't matter. "

Have you seen an uptick in content from people who are sharing stories about how nobody came to their birthday dinner? While there are several potential factors, one might be the belief that people underestimate how much their presence matters.

If you've ever kipped out on a party, a community event, voting (!!!) because you believe it won't make a difference, we encourage you to begin to interrogate that idea. If you believe that your voice or your presence makes a difference then you lend it. You share it. You show up.

But if you continue to underestimate how much you matter, your community may suffer because of it.

"I don't owe anybody anything."

Therapist and author Amanda E. White explains it this way:

"You do owe people things. I get it-- when the world is burning and things feel awful you just want to pull away and you want to just focus on yourself and do whatever makes you happy. The problem is, while that might feel good in the short term, in the long term, you're going to end up more isolated and disconnected and with less people in your life unless you are a very rare person who truly doesn't value relationships. But most of us need other people."

Communities that thrive on exchange and trust, and it's because they largely feel that they owe it to their community, and their community feels that way about them. They feel responsible for others.

But believing you don't "owe" anyone anything is a surefire way to isolate yourself.

"If it's not convenient, I'm not going to do it. "

Many of us might not say this explicitly, but if you find yourself not attending an event with your community, listening to someone's emotional "share", following through with plans for a friend, showing up for that volunteer thing, because it's disruptive.

While we certainly don't want to overextend ourselves, self-sacrifice, and people-please to our detriment, we also have to examine our capacity for being inconvenienced.

But being in community means that others will have needs or requests that don't alone with your perfect timing. How willing are you to bend to meet the moment?

Overall, "community" might elicit strong positive emotions-- which it should!-- but we shouldn't discount all that is required of us to truly be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Think about ways you can be more communal. [Hey, we even have a list of eight specific"communal acts" you could do right now to get started building a community mindset!]

If you're looking more support, please consider reaching out to our team or booking time with our founder who is a friendship expert and women's relational health educator, Danielle Bayard Jackson.